Dad Jokes

Dad Jokes

Posted by Abe Quiring on Jun 3rd 2020

Everyone loves a good Dad joke. Here are a few of our favorites in honor of the Big Guy's Big Day - Father's Day!

How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut.
Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.
What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.
Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it!
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
Dad, can you put my shoes on? “No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.
Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in.
Dad, can you put the cat out? “I didn’t know it was on fire.
What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.
What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!
How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
Why did the math book look so sad? Because of all of its problems!
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers!
How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.
How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
I’ve got a great joke about construction, but I’m still working on it.
I used to hate facial hair...but then it grew on me.
I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner—it was just gathering dust!
I had a neck brace fitted years ago and I’ve never looked back since.
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
It takes guts to be an organ donor.
If you see a crime at an Apple Store, does that make you an iWitness?
I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed!